Oh, 2019. Never have I understood the saying ‘the days go by slow and the years go by fast’ thanks to you. Though I think a more correct version would be ‘the days go by slow and the months go by fast.’ At any rate, 2019 seemed to be an absolute blur.
This was also the first year that I found myself truly not knowing where to go with this space. I would get a post up, feel good about it, and then feel like every idea after that would never measure up or didn’t make sense. Though, I think the inconsistency to my readers just looked like pure laziness. (Can’t blame you at all if you thought this!) But truthfully I have about 30 draft blog posts that I just never hit ‘publish’ on. I was over here typing away and creating content, but was at a bit of a loss why nothing ever felt good enough to publish.
For awhile I think I incorrectly assumed that everything just wasn’t up to par. That somehow my voice had disappeared over night. And it didn’t help that I had a huge career switch this year! A career I absolutely adore, mind you, but a career that centered around styling, photography, blogging and marketing meaning working on my own business for the first time felt e x h a u s t i n g.
After all I created this space as a creative escape to my then much more science driven career. So essentially 2019 gave me everything I’ve asked for… yet the change still felt like change.
Fast forward to the end of year with me getting a bit more used to the new job and it’s new responsibilities and a sweet friend of mine mentioned Enneagrams. At first, I rolled my eyes. Yet another personality test that was making it’s way around the internet. I have taken so many over the years and while they can be momentarily fascinating they never helped me grow or gave me knowledge that I didn’t have an inkling of. But my friend swore up and down Enneagrams are different…
Turns out that little Enneagram test ended up making a huge difference.
Not only did it shine a light on my personality, it actually helped me recognize ways to improve and grow. I could bore you with the details of my type (a 9w1 for those other enneagram fanatics out there), but the bottom line is that it helped me realize that the blog posts weren’t really the problem. I was striving for perfection and not-so-shockingly none of them were perfect.
So overall 2019 was really hard. And really good.
I have really been wanting to address this for awhile, but kept finding myself at a loss of how to explain my absence from this space. So here it is. I’ve been here! Hiding behind the scenes and behind my need for ‘perfection.’
Wanting: to work on better sleep habits this year.
Reading: Magnolia Journal.
Watching: the Great British Baking show!
Listening: to Leon Bridges. Over and over and over.
Hoping: to get back into a routine. The holidays always throw me for a loop!
Waiting: for more snow. Bozeman has been unusually dry this year and I have a feeling we will have a very snowy next few months.
Getting: excited to travel to San Diego with close friends!
Wishing: I could have been home a little bit longer for the holidays. Sometimes a hug from my parents cures everything.
Working: on a shoot with a local ceramic artist – I CANNOT WAIT.
Dreaming: of staying in this little a-frame.
Munching: on any kind of cruciferous veggie. They’ve been so crucial to clearing up my hormonal acne.
Sipping: old fashions with Whistling Andy bourbon.
Finishing: painting my new cabinet. Oof. It was a lot of work, but I love it!
Planning: on eating Mexican Food for every meal whilst in San Diego.
Saving: as much money as I can after months of holiday spending.
Looking: forward to Valentine’s Day! I can’t help it – it’s one of my favorites.
Wearing: this Modern Citizen sweater over and over.
Buying: a new couch and this rug!
Refusing: to buy new clothes in January. Every time I add to my closet I make myself get rid of one thing and I’m very happy with it at the moment.
Organizing: my ideas for our next Lookbook at work. These are by far my favorite things to do!
Loving: anything home decor related right now. I blame the new couch.
Bookmarking: anything Carina posts.
Thank you so much to those who have continued reading and supporting my blog throughout my absence! My heart already feels a little bit lighter back here typing away.
Oh and for those wondering what the heck an Enneagram is or how you can find out yours, the test is right over here.